Coffee keeps me going, you dumb fucks!

Someone made me realize something today. I drink lots and lots of coffee. Too much I tell you. And why's that? Because I only have the time to update this page at night. During the day I live a real life, but I guess none of you does. So what keeps me awake? COFFEE! You owe me about $100. That's how much I've spend the last month on coffee alone. Just for you dumb fucks. I spend MY night entertaining you. Coffee rules, never deny that. Even if you don't drink coffee, you should. It's the cheapest drug ever made. $100 worth of coffee is alot. You'll never find any drug for that money that lasts that long. The rent of my appartment is about $300, the money I spend on cigarettes per month is about $150. Electricity and heating costs me about $50 a month. Internetconnection about $60.

Do you see what you cost me? You cost me $160 a month (cigarettes not included). I'll start collection now. Transfer money to account number: 001-4116908-13. Thanks.

I guess you've ever had coffee before, but for the fucks who haven't, try it! Enter the world of the coffee addict. See what I see! Flashy, but foggy colors, headaches, and being hypercritical 24/7. Experience the one thing that can make you just like me, for a moment. And to set the record straight, I drink alcohol too. I never said I didn't. Coffee mixed with beer makes me feel sick alot. So I have to buy medication to make me feel better. Medication costs money too. Let me change the $160 to a straight $200. It's easy to remember for the both of us.

Ok, it costs YOU $200 a month. But what do you get for that money?
Simple, my page includes everything:

- It's the 3rd best page in the universe
- It helps you change your mind in the best way ever possible
- You like me, I might like you
- You hate me, I like you even more
- When you come down from work, the first thing you do is check for an update
- You can jerk off on my pictures
- This page is better than any reality show
- It's the best damn rip off you've ever seen
- I'm not gay
- I call you names
- If you meet me in real life, I'll shit on your face for free
- I'm mostly drunk (ok, maybe you too, but what the hell)
- I'm not female

You probably were convinced when you read the first one, weren't you? Yeah, I know. I'm that damn good. There's sand in my ear. I went to the beach today, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that you transfer the money quickly! Go on, what are you waiting for? I'll stop typing right here if you don't transfer it right now...

Update, 05-08-05:

I should thank you ... NOT! Now I don't sleep anymore. I started drinking more and more coffee, so when I go to bed, around 6:00 AM mostly, I lay awake for at least another two hours.
You know what? I wish when you go to bed, you don't wake up the next morning!

(started 05-02-05)
(last updated 05-08-05)

__back to the transferring me $200_

people sent me coffee just because they love my updates (total page hit counter - since 03-30-05)